Oh my god i am oficially a fucking pig tomorow i am sticking to 200 cal and really sticking to it as i am going up and down like a fucking yoyo it is really sick. i need to get my life together as everything id mess up in the air andi am trying not to think about stuff as if i get upset i eat shit. so i need to lose weight fast and start controling my life. i really hate the feeling of food inside you as i feel like i cant be free in is sort of stuck in me i like feeling empty like a feather that i will fly away with the wind.

I NEED CONTROL

I NEED TO STOP EATING

I HATE FOOD

I AM SO FAT

i feel like a failure, i really really hate myself.

i have been so good today no binge i had a watermelon and an apple and feel great. i feel like i can see my goal and i will be thin i will be thin and i am not going to let temptation get in the way. As even though chocolate is tasty i will stay fat and i am going to be 100lb!!! And i will look amazing!
i want to look like mary kate she is so fab perfect..... i am determined now like no other...

This is my first entry in livejournal, yesterday was my birthday and somehow i feel like shit, probably with the idea that i am getting older and every year that passes i feel i should be reaching certain goals and i dont know if i have. I mean life doesnt sux or anything as i have great friends and i love them to bits, i just feel constantly that i am not doing enough in the larger sceeme of things like do i amount to much or is life a series of tasks you need to do inorder to pass the test. Like have a carrer, buy a house, find a husband and have 2.4 kids or if you dont achieve any of these things what happens are you a failure or are you not??
The only thing i seemed to have control is eating or not eating but recently i have lost that control. Ido find myself being at by best when i am on a diet and lossing weight is the best feeling on earth. Ofcourse resently i have gone up to a size 8 uk which is really really bad and i am on a fast at the moment to get as far down as posible.
So my goal for the next couple of weeks is find out what i want to do with my life and lose a stone.